i said i wanted to go at daybreak again, to slip into the warm wet sea while the sky was still deep velvety indigo blue-black yet slowly and surely turning salmon and tangerine with ease and grace.

we didn't go at daybreak. i was having the most intense, vivid yet ethereal dreams while i was in Oaxaca and when it was time to slink out of bed in the cool dark, my body wished to stay and my mind desired dreaming the perfect strangeness. too, i’ll admit it, i was uncertain about submerging in the water under the cover of night, not being able to see what creatures were swimming around and beneath me. i trust and respect Her, Mama Ocean, and i also like to see what She is drawing near me, introducing me to, showing me.

daybreak would have been the time to go for sheer and utter seclusion but who needs isolation when you’d rather just never wear clothes at all, most especially in that climate?

we meandered our way to the radiant turquoise sea before mid-day. there were families and couples, kids and elders. not crowded in the least but there were watchers and i choose to not mind. we plopped down under our sunbrella in the white powder sand and prepared for our underwater photo session.

there is this gorgeous sweet little bay area at san agustinillo beach in oaxaca. it’s between the two longer stretches of beach, and it’s only a bay in that it’s vaguely enclosed by some rock and reef outcroppings, making the waves ever so slightly less intense and allowing for the cradling of amazing sea life. i wanted my annual birthday (suit) photo shoot in this faint cove so we did it, among the families and couples, kids and elders.

we swam out just beyond the furthest out humans. we could still touch the sandy bottom. i was giddy. chad felt lucky. i handed him my bikini, which he looped over his arm, and he began taking photos. i swam away. i swam back. i floated tits up. i dove to the bottom. i didn't care who thought this or saw that and although latin american culture is far more reserved and modest, no one seemed to mind. topless sun bathing is not uncommon here so swimming nude didn't feel like much of a stretch anyhow. i flipped and flopped, plunged and pitched, dipped and dunked. it felt like freedom. it felt like being me.

the blessing and gift of getting to be on vacation each turning of the new year wheel, for my past many birthdays, at the warm seashore, with my beloveds, is not lost on me. these are the days, my friends, the ones i live for and love. this is the life. and i cherish it with my entire saltwater soul, i do.

listen, listen...

...

i kept having to pinch myself and i cried every few hours or so.

is this my life? am i awake? am i dreaming? am i here?

i could feel the salty hot tears on my wind kissed skin.

i could hear the sweet cackle of my sisters and the gentle murmur of their song.

i could taste the dry cider, streaky bacon and mushy peas.

i could see the rainless clouds, against the vibrant blue sky, over the dramatic stones, as they sailed into the mystic.

so i asked her to pinch me and when she did i could feel it. i was there. it was real.

this is my life.

making out with sacred ancient stones in avebury

i attuned myself to this priestess pilgrimage, with this particular soulful coven of women, lifetimes ago...as it turns out...every cell in my body remembers them.

and i understand why i was requested to be on this spiritual trek, this time, besides the reunion and communion.

in this blessed lifetime i've been once again paired with my beloved sister-cousin who guided me through my formative years in the ways of wild witchery and pagan catholicism. you may have heard me tell tale here.

so not only was i carrying out a portion of my personal manifest destiny as revealed and gifted to me throughout my life/lives, but i was also making waves, setting sparks, and honoring the magical realism, mythology and vision that is my birthright.

the biggest henge that i have ever seen...a giant granite birthday cake...all i think of is stonehenge

on this holy land, stones, trees, wells, sacred flames, and wind collude with the elements they are born of to be the tethers that ground me and inform me. they are the portals that allow my pain and suffering to be alchemized and transmuted. air moves me, fire transforms me, water shapes me and earth heals me. as i widen and expand the macro lens of my own perception, the high vibration and palpable heartbeat, just below the surface of things, Her heartbeat, Her ancient rhythm and wisdom, rise up to meet me. and i am struck by a deep well of breathtaking awe. i am comforted, i feel safe, i trust and i forgive. i am here to understand the abundant affluence i am steeped in daily and i give way in gratitude.

site of our new moon ritual, west kennet long barrow, avebury.  ceremony. celebration. — site of our new moon ritual, west kennet long barrow, avebury. ceremony. celebration.

i ask myself:

what did i bring to release, let go, offer, breath out, heal, leave in Her lap?

what did i take, come to understand, listen for, grow from, open to?

in these energetically amplified spaces, where is my willingness?

how am i honoring my capacity to expand, take up space and be illuminated?

new moon: ripe with power to manifest divine partnership to myself...i am my own anam cara

i emerge from the nurturing, safe, and womb like space of venerable trees, elderly stones, antique barrows, indigenous wells and the energetic web of support from my priestess sisters...re-calibrated, equilibrium intact yet always shifting along the lemniscate of life, engaging the deepest parts of myself, alive and dancing. as i say, i walk with my placental ancestors...i do not walk alone.